


Worst Of You

by that_one_urchin



Category: Euphoria (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Kissing, Light Angst, Pining, Sharing a Bed, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 08:43:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20079391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/that_one_urchin/pseuds/that_one_urchin
Summary: Rue’s knuckles knocking on Lexi’s window late at night are a familiar, but distant, sound.





	Worst Of You

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so, Euphoria is new but I’m obsessed with it. 
> 
> The fic title is from Worst of You by Maisie Peters.
> 
> Lexi and Rue’s relationship is a goldmine for angst if you think about Lexi having a crush on Rue. If you think about everything in that context, then this song 100% fits them perfectly and will constantly remind me of them.

Rue is quick to become obsessed with things.

That’s not a secret. She is a drug addict, after all. Rue doesn’t become briefly obsessed with just the easily addictive things, though. Throughout their friendship, Lexi has seen a variety of obsessions and addictions Rue has gone through. The time Rue gained twenty pounds in a month due to gummy bear consumption. The time she saw a single ant in Lexi’s yard and had twenty in one large jar within the week. The time she discovered Keeping Up With the Kardashians and lied about being sick and having to skip school in order to do some binge watching. 

Those are little things. Things to be looked back on and smile at, simple memories made fond over the years in the name of childhood. 

And then there’s Jules. Jules, who is sweeter than any gummy bear, cooler than any ant, and more entertaining than any Kardashian. She’s honestly hard not to fall in love with, which is why Lexi can’t hate her. She likes Jules, but there’s still a sinking feeling in her gut when she catches Rue staring at Jules in the middle of class. Lexi knows that look. It’s the look Rue had gotten when someone put a joint between her lips at a party they went to years ago, like she was preparing to slip into a familiar high.

Jules or drugs, it’s all the same either way. 

There will be an extreme high and Rue will claim that she is the happiest she has ever been, that she will never fall from the clouds again. Despite that, the rain will fall and Rue will get caught up in the drops - but she’ll hit the ground harder than water will. Jules will break her, even if she doesn’t want to.

Lexi knows this. She also knows it should be none of her business, but she can’t draw her eyes away. It’s like watching an upcoming car crash in slow motion. Lexi sees the disaster on the horizon, and if she’s not going to intervene then she has some responsibility to not look away.

-

Rue’s knuckles knocking on her window late at night are a familiar, but distant sound. 

Rue used to do this all the time back when they were good friends, but eventually the visits only came whenever Rue needed clean urine or a bed to cry or nap on. Embarrassingly enough, Lexi was fine with that. She was fine with having Rue use her this way, and often reasoned that it was better to have Rue under her sheets instead of falling into bushes while trying to drunkenly bike home. 

Some part of her - a part that was buried in the pit of her stomach where no one could find it, a part that stayed silent to protect herself from heartbreak - knew that wasn’t the complete truth. She liked being tucked under Rue’s arm, even if she usually smelled like vodka. Lexi liked falling asleep to the sound of Rue’s steady breathing and her heartbeat. 

Which was why, when the distant knocking sound did unexpectedly come, Lexi dropped her pencil and rushed to the window.

“Hey, Rue.” Lexi says, willing herself not to step back when she smells Rue - it’s not alcohol, but it’s a strong scent, like mud or compost.

“Hey.” Rue replies simply.

Lexi shouldn’t expect more than that. Rue is the type of person to not share her emotions unless it’s completely necessary and right now it isn’t, so all Lexi gets is a silent Rue climbing into her room. She fights the urge to ask questions as more of Rue’s body is exposed and, simultaneously, more of her dirty clothes. One of her favorite (Lexi’s favorite, she loves seeing it on Rue - not that she’d admit that) baggy shirts is soaked in a dark liquid that makes Lexi think Rue has been climbing around in the sewage.

There is no explanation for that. All she gets is Rue carefully looking around her room, neutral expression in place and shirt bunched up in her fingers as she does so. Lexi notes that Rue is holding her shirt like that to keep it from dripping on the carpet and fights a smile. Sometimes, Rue is so oddly polite. 

“Do you have a shirt I can borrow?” Rue asks. Her shirt is off before Lexi even gets a chance to open her mouth.

Of course, Rue isn’t wearing a bra - she never is - and Lexi’s heart spikes at all the exposed, tan skin she sees. She spins around and faces the dresser almost immediately. Her face is hot, the rest of her body warm, and the spot between her thighs burning for one guilty second before she gets ahold of herself. 

“Yeah.” She breathes, voice coming out rougher than she meant it to. Lexi digs into one of the drawers in her dresser and takes out the largest shirt she owns, figuring it will look normal on Rue. She throws it over her shoulder carelessly, trusting Rue to catch it but not trusting herself to not freak out if she has to hand the clothing over to a shirtless Rue.

A couple seconds later, the bed creaks and then the familiar sound of Rue working herself up the mattress fills Lexi’s ears. She had been working on some late night homework, but she ditches it without a second thought. Lexi flips off the lights and turns around to find a, thankfully, clothed Rue. As she walks over to go join her, Lexi thinks about how easy it had been for Rue to get her to offer up her bed and her clothing and anything else Rue could ever want.

“You okay?” Lexi asks, because she can’t help it. She tries to keep her voice gentle - she can tell Rue is sober, and she’s happy about that, but Rue has been moody lately due to the lack of drugs or alcohol.

Going slowly in the dark, Lexi crawls onto the bed and joins Rue. She finds Rue already holding open the sheets for her and smiles, getting under them even though Rue has dodged her question. 

Seconds later, Rue stretches her neck out far enough that Lexi can watch it move as Rue yawns and paws at the air near her mouth like some kind of adorable kitten. “I’m okay. Sleepy.”

Where is the dotted line? Lexi should sign away her heart right now and just make it official. She’s a goner.

Rue carelessly wraps an arm around Lexi’s waist. She likes to cuddle. Lexi had almost forgotten about that. Now, with Rue’s mouth pressed lazily to Lexi’s neck and her fingers curling around Lexi’s hip, Lexi definitely remembers. She slowly returns the embrace. The world gets a little warmer, a little scarier - a little more wonderful - when Rue shifts until they’re face to face, still wrapped up in each other below the neck but parted and staring above.

“Do you think you can love two people at once?” Rue asks, the question breaking the silence. 

The words spark something in Lexi. They make Lexi’s heart jump. She’s a teenager, and her first response to this type of question is to assume Rue is thinking about loving both Jules and Lexi.

“Yes.” Lexi agrees immediately, sounding a tad bit over eager. She’s fine with this. She’ll take half of Rue if that’s what she can get, she’ll take the worst of Rue if it means getting Rue at all.

Rue simply looks confused at her answer and so, Lexi rethinks everything. She thinks about how Jules had been clinging to her phone all day while Rue trailed behind her, looking like a kicked puppy. She remembers seeing a flash of a distinctly male body on Jules’ screen and the frown on Rue’s face during lunch. Lexi finally puts two and two together, realizing that Rue is talking about her, Jules, and Mystery Phone Boy.

Lexi isn’t in the equation at all.

It’s fine. Rue has unintentionally (and intentionally) let her down before. Lexi will let her do it again. She’s used to it.

The moment passes and Rue shuts her eyes, probably intending to fall asleep just like that - pressed up against Lexi, faces incredibly close and pointed towards each other - because it has no effect on her. Because she doesn’t care.

“You’re supposed to close your eyes.” Rue points out, her own eyes still shut. 

“Oh- I.” Lexi fumbles like she’s seeing Rue in a bikini for the first time in middle school. Rue simply lets a smirk crawl onto her lips while Lexi keeps making awkward sounds. “Uh.”

“Sleep.” Rue tells her, and lifts her hand to push a strand of hair behind Lexi’s ear. Lexi flushes, but Rue can’t see it in the darkness or she simply doesn’t care, because she leaves her hand resting along Lexi’s jaw.

Rue’s eyes open shortly after that, when she somehow realizes that Lexi isn’t going to shut hers, and she seems to also realize how close she’s made them. Lexi stops breathing. Literally. She sucks all the air up into her and then doesn’t let anymore in or out, afraid to exhale so close to Rue. 

Of course, it’s at this time that Lexi simultaneously decides it’s a good idea to tilt her head forward and press her lips to Rue’s. There’s no air in her lungs and for a second she has to adjust her nose-breathing awkwardly, but by then Rue is kissing back and - oh, holy shit, Rue is kissing back. 

It’s messy and lazy and lacking emotion that should be there - like a tired ‘I love you’ at the end of the night, said between an old married couple - but it’s good. Rue works Lexi’s mouth open and Lexi finally gets to taste what she’s wanted for years. Except, it doesn’t taste how she thought Rue would taste. It’s like bubblegum, the extremely sugary type Lexi knows Jules has and shares because Lexi has had a couple pieces herself. 

This only causes Lexi to kiss her harder, egged on by the unfamiliar taste. She doesn’t want to taste Jules - she wants Rue. So whatever, she’ll kiss her off of Rue’s lips. 

Lexi does just that, and by the time she reaches artificial toothpaste mint and the plain (but insanely thrilling) taste of another person’s mouth, Rue is moaning. Just occasionally. Here and there. It’s there, and that’s all that matters to Lexi. 

She’s riding an incredible high for those few minutes until Rue seems to come to her senses and pull away, breathing heavily against Lexi’s lips. Lexi has a thousand words caught in her throat. A thousand words she’ll never say. Words like, ‘I’m in love with you, and it’s okay you don’t love me back’.

“Close your eyes, Lex.” Rue murmurs. “Sleep.”

This time, Lexi does as she’s told.

When she wakes up in the morning, Rue is gone. So is Lexi’s t-shirt.

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me about Euphoria on my tumblr because I need people to talk about the show with.
> 
> https://thatoneurchin.tumblr.com/


End file.
